Monday, June 05, 2006

Real programmer


Real programmers don't use LISP. Only effeminate programmers use more parentheses than actual code.

Real programmers know better than the users what they need.

Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12.

Real programmers think structured programming is a communist plot.

Real programmers programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in only a few 30-hours debugging sessions.

USER, n.: The word real programmers use when they mean "idiot."

Real programmers don't write specs. Users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.

Real programmers scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big."

Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the novice and the coward.

Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any Real programmers are around at 9 am, it's because they were up all night.

Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listings or the object deck.

Real programmers don't write in Pascal, or Bliss, or Ada, or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories.

Real programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. Real programmers ignore schedules.

Real programmers don't use schedules. Schedules are for manager's toadies. Real programmers like to keep their manager in suspense.

Real programmers don't like the team programming concept. Unless, of course, they are the Chief Programmer

Real programmers have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. Managers are for dealing with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners and other mental defectives.

Real programmers don't write application programs, they program right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do systems programming.

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